Down Time Again

Sorry for disappearing again. My site host was hit with some malicious code (again) so I haven’t been able to write like I’ve wanted to.

But to be honest, I struggle to write even when it is working.

My desire is to get away from a personal blog where I just journal in public and move to something professional and useful. Unfortunately that’s when my perfectionism steps in and chokes out any work I might do.

I’m confessing this in the hope that writing anything will be a step forward. I have no shortage of things to share, believe me. I think I just need to post a lot and be really messy and maybe write some dumb stuff and learn from it before this will be the place I envisioned.

But consider this: Proverbs 17:27, 28 connects wisdom with silence and discernment.

The truly wise person restrains his words,
and the one who stays calm is discerning.
Even a fool who remains silent is considered wise,
and the one who holds his tongue is deemed discerning.

Conventional wisdom says better to remain silent and thought a fool than to open one’s mouth and remove all doubt. But I’m not sure that’s what this verse is talking about. Here the situation seems to be about staying calm. A wise person doesn’t go on a rant. A wise person doesn’t verbally assault another. The wise person holds his tongue when the fool lets loose.

Contrast this situation with one I commonly find myself in: I’m sitting in the classroom and I want to say something, but I don’t want to be wrong. So I say nothing. Is that wise? No! I’m convinced it’s utter foolishness. (Of course you should know when to shut up and let the teacher teach.) If you remain silent you deprive yourself of a chance to learn from those around you. Your pride prevents you from becoming wise.

This is why I changed tactics when I moved from graduate study to my doctoral work. I jumped into every conversation boldly, and often I was wrong. But there was no way I was going to sit through another discussion in fear and walk away with questions and doubts I could have addressed. I probably looked like a fool on more than one occasion, but I have no regrets.

Maybe this blog is more like the classroom than not. Maybe my pride is all that’s standing between me and wisdom—and more importantly service. Better to be vocal and proved a fool than to remain silent and pretend you’re wise. If I may be a fool, let me at least be a fool for Christ.